Ship

Hi there.
Jazakallah.
Are you still thinking of me?
I bet you are.
Because I am wondering if you are doing fine.
Come on.. We used to be so close.
I count on you and you can count on me.
What happen now?
We are separated by...??
Guess we can't get back to normal..
If you were still holding 'it' over our years of friendship.
Come on.. Is that the value of our friendship?
I thought friendship is the most valuable thing in the world.
Can you be the old you that i used to know?

Love, Bulan

Time

It is me. It is always me.
They are all perfectly good.
I am the problem.
Thought i was ready.
But Allah knows better.
I couldn't open my heart yet.
Keep running from what is coming
And chasing after what is going.
Allah knows better.
Maybe I am not ready, not as what i thought.
Maybe it is time to get ready first.
Maybe it is time to improve myself further.
The time just hasn't come yet.
I will wait.
The time will come.
The time will come.

Love,
Bulan

The Weekenderz

A few days back,
"wanna go gokarting ? " - A
"i'd love to!" -me

A day before yesterday,
"so are you joining us to the wall climbing? " - B
"not sure yet. I'm waiting for confirmation from my friend" - me
"hey, I'm not sure if we can go for go-kart tomorrow. Let me check back" - A
"sure no problem" - me

Yesterday
"hey, so how's the plan? " - me
8.30am, still no reply from A.
"my friend still didn't confirm yet. I think I would like to join you guys" - me
"lets go!" - B

And so I joined the weekenderz. They were great, easy to click, supportive and sporting. And it was seriously fun that I should regret if I didn't join. I would love to join them some more next time. Thanks Allah for bringing me there. I love you. I know You are the best planner ever!

Love,
Bulan

P/s: with all the supportive words, I just discovered a new side of me and understand myself even more.
Life is too short for you to waste time moaning over things ; in this case, plan cancelled. Just go get up and grab what you can while you still can!

Rindu Kau Semua

Aku rindu
Sumpah aku rindu
Saat kita bercanda beramai
Kala otak terbang tanpa sangkar
Bermadah yang tak masuk akal
Hati mana yang tak ceria bersama engkorang?
Buang masa? Leka? - Ini merehatkan jiwa namanya
Sekali sekala lari dari dunia pancaroba
Sungguh aku rindu
Tapi masa tak boleh diputar
Hidup sudah berbeza
Dan pasti bakal makin berubah
Tapi aku harap ikatan aku bersama engkorang utuh selalu
Walau ada satu dua seperti mula melonggar
Tak apa.. Aku fleksible
Aku boleh sesuaikan diri
Boleh kekal dalam circle yang sama

Love,
Bulan

Beach

I wish the world is totally in peace
So nobody would worry if
I went to the beach alone
And sit by the fire
Read my favourite novel
Or maybe do some puzzle while
Listen to the pop sounds as the sticks get burned
With the song of the waves 
*take a deep breath*
And the scent of fresh breeze..
How relaxing...

Love,
Bulan

P/s: please ease my feeling

A Step Back

I've been thinking..
And i realized
I've think too long
Perhaps too much
So I'm gonna take a step back
To breath peacefully
And do what I always did.
What else could I do anyway?

Love,
Bulan

P/s: true when they said it's impossible for us to be just bestfriends 

Keep Calm

No worry.
If it meant to be,
you will find the way
and i will wait.

Love,
Bulan

Merpati.

Akal kata kau.
Hati berterbangan tanpa sangkar.

Love,
Bulan

Summer

Have you watched 500 days of summer? I just.. Yeah i know.. so 2009.. Whatever.. Just wanna say I'm a lot like her except that i don't hold the guy hand, do ___ in the shower, etc.. But I'm quite a lot like her. I'm happy doing things but not sure of it. Till now, I'm still thinking if I'm doing the right thing. But whenever I think of it, i wipe it a way by saying just go with the flow, and see where it goes because that's where your destiny is; plan and let Him decide. I really hope one day, i would wake up like summer and just know what to do, and really sure of it. The day will come.. Let me wait a little while...

Love,
Bulan

Thank You Faker

There's this one group, so called bestfriend forever,  yet i call it the faker group because everybody was like seriously fake. But there's one person, the most fakest one yet the most acceptable and reasonable . Till now i will still considered him as the fakest because i don't know what he actually think about me. Sometimes he will like praise me and most of the time he'll make fun of me. Oh this group just love to laugh on others and he is the king of all the evil laugh. Somehow, a few years back, this person actually one that helped me to go through my hard time. The time when i fell really hard that i don't know how to get up. He's there to listen to my crap story and actually boosted up my confidence level. He actually the dude of the brotherhood whom will come when the brother need help. I would like to thank him, but i don't think i should because he might already forgotten it or if he didn't,  I'll be the joke of the year. Oh please no. So i just wrote here, thinking if anyone could thank him when im gone. He's the leader of the group. You can find him easily. Serious.

Love,
Bulan

P/s: no I'm not going anywhere yet. Not going to commit suicide and im not sick or whatever. Lol. Just suddenly remembered of this one friend.

Wrong direction?

Dear mom,
Forgive me for i have failed you with this stupid stubborn heart.

O Allah,
Everyday I prayed for you to ease my way..
If this is the way that I should follow,
I shall follow..
Never that i doubt your faith,
And will never do.

Love,
Bulan

P/s: I am tired of singing the wrong direction... Thought this one was right...

MH17 17/7/2014

I woke up lazily this morning
to help ibu to prepare for sahur.
At first, bila ibu kata "Flight MAS kena tembak kat Ukraine,"
The words just go through my head inside out.
Then, the word 'MAS' masuk balik dalam kepala.
"MAS? My boss went to India by MAS" i talked to myself.
Oh.. The incident happened at Ukraine.
Phew.
Lagipun my boss balik sabtu.
Double phew.
After that I switched on the tv to see what's on the news.
MH17..blablabla..flight from Amsterdam.
Wait.
Amsterdam.
Thursday.
M (quiet a close friend of mine when I was study) is coming back from Amsterdam on Thursday.
I felt like my heart stop beating for a second
Then it started beating fast.
Ya Allah please say he's not in there.
"Bu.. M balik dari Amsterdam harini.. "
My voice was shaking.
I tried to hold myself from breaking into tears.
Who should i check with?
Whatsapp group! - Nobody answered.
Perhaps they haven't woke up yet.
His girlfriend!
I asked his bestfriend to ask his bestfriend's girlfriend to check with his girlfriend. - He didn't wake up yet too!
Gosh. What should i do?
I should check his twitter.
Alhamdulillah.. His last tweet was 7 hours ago 'safely back in Malaysia'
I couldn't say how much I relieved after reading that.
I couldn't imagine how's the reaction of the next of kin of the passengers.
Oh Allah,
Please ease their feelings.
Please protect people that are close to me from such shocking incident.

Love,
Bulan

A beautiful road

There is a road,
A road not taken?
I don't know..
But as far as I have walked
It was a beautiful road
It fulls of flowers
And butterflies
Though some of the flowers might have thorns;
One of the reason I don't dare to pluck it.
Yet I touched it sometime
It was beautiful and irresistible
One day..
I decided to look back
To see how far have i gone
As I turned my back
I saw all the flowers are dying
The environment have become gloomy
I have gone so far..
Shouldn't I be sad if I had to stop after walking this far?
But I shouldn't continue if I was a poison to this place
As I continued my journey a little further,
I came to a tiny path
A path which I absolutely don't know where will it brings me to
But far from this road
I have to cut a few of the flowers on the side of this beautiful road in order to get to the tiny path
And the thorns might hurt myself
Somehow, I believe I should take this path
Before I ruined the beautiful road even more
May someone better come to take care of the beautiful road....

Love,
Bulan

One after another

One after another..
You made my days full of colours
But most of it were shocking colours
I felt so restless and almost surrender
But before I did, I stop and wonder
Despite the fact that it driving me stronger
I realized all of these were just a reminder
So that You and I will become closer
Oh dear, my greatest planner,
Not that i doubt you, not now, not later
All of your plans are the best for my life here and hereafter
But I'm begging You for a work which I will have free time longer
So I can worship you even better
Oh Allah my greatest lover,
I love you with all my heart and  it won't be any lesser.

Love,
Bulan

Will it be true?

I am not setting a target or what..
I haven't choose anyone yet
Nobody has proposed me yet
But I just had a feeling
I will get married on next year
LOL
Was it too good to be true?
I am not a psychic
I can't predict things
But I hope my feeling is true

Love,
Bulan

My Boss

"Boss awak dah kahwin?"
"Dah.. Kenapa?"
"Tak de la.. Nampak macam dia minat awak"
Burst out laugh. My boss is so cool and nice, and I strongly believe he's a loyal person. He just likes to make joke of things (related to work) and so we laugh quite a lot. He reminds me a lot on my late father. I'm not a clingy daughter, but sometimes when we sat just the two of us, we will make joke of things around us. When my boss asked for a favor, I will remember how my father used to ask a favor from me.

********

It was 3am in the morning...
*knock knock*
I was in a deep sleep when suddenly someone knocked on my door
Unconsciously, I opened the door
He stood there..
With a guilty face for waking me up in the middle of the night
He was having difficulty in breathing
Well, he was a cardiac
And so I do him favor
Massaged his back until he felt a little better
It was... U know the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night..
But you have to because that's what you call responsibility

**********

And so when my boss asked for a favor, i hardly can reject. Because he reminds me a lot on my father. And i know the responsibility that I bear.

Dear boss,
Please stay longer

P/s: as if my boss would read my blog. LOL

Love,
Bulan

I should not..

Just if you were...
But you're not and so i won't
Because i should not
Chh *grin*
Fullstop

Love,
Bulan

Dream big, Think big?

I have things in mind
But I don't know where to start
Should I start with a proposal?
Or should I start small first?
For I heard a saying goes as 'start small, think big'
Is it true?
Or should I start when I am fully ready?
And how do I define fully ready?

Oh how i really wish you were here..
I wish you could guide me
I wish...
A wish which will never come true
I miss you, Abah..

Love,
Bulan

Love vs Faith

I am not searching for love but faith.

Love,
Bulan

Fault

I wish i can turn back time.
I am seriously at fault.
How do i repay this?
How do i make things right?
**** you girl.
Why do you loose control? Every month.
I should behaved well that day.
Dr love said I don't need to repay.
But Dr love doesn't know I am at fault.
O Allah, please make things right again.
Feel like stabbing myself 100 times :(

Abnormal

She's not normal
She's different.
How different?
When all girls were crazy of korean pop stars,
She didn't.
Play her a korean song,
I don't think it suits her ears.
Except for certain sad songs that touched her heart.
Seems easy to touch her heart?
Perhaps. But to grab it?
I doubt you could.

She's not normal
She dreams of an unusual love story
She doesn't need one who wouldn't stop asking for a date
She doesn't need those sweet talkers;
It may be sweet to others but meaningless to her
Words may make her feel flattered,
But rarely make her fall.
Excuse me, did i said rarely?
Almost like never.
Oh it's not that she doesn't want such a romantic husband
For a husband,  who doesn't want that?
For a not yet husband,  the further you stand would be better, i guess?
Tell me, which relationship made of lust would last long?

Love,
Bulan

The beauty of Turkey

Turk,
Whenever I think of you
I felt something
Like there is unfinished business there
As if I left something there
I dont know what
Maybe my eyes; i can still imagine the beauty of you, Subhanallah
Perhaps my skin; i can feel the breeze there
Or my heart?; who wouldn't fall for your beauty? Allahuakbar
Somehow, there's a saying goes

"Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri, lebih baik negeri sendiri"

"Gold in the land of rain, hail in their own country, the better the state itself" (direct translation by google translate)

But I seriously felt something about you, Turkey
maybe because I didnt buy that gorgeous soft light expensive leather jacket
or did i feel guilty for lost contacting with friends i made there?

Guess I just miss having such a long vacation *sigh*

Love, Bulan

I Don't Belong Here

I wish i were a little girl
who really knows all she ever wanted is nothing
but that little cute doll that she saw on the TV advertisement.
Having that little doll
will make her dream come true,
will brigthen up her life
and cheers her up.

I wish i were that little girl
because at this very moment
I tried to think hardly
As hard as i may cut a diamond with this thinking thing
Thinking of
What do i want in my life
What will make me happy
What do i want to achieve
Yet i found nothing
Only nothing, and no 'but'
And this makes me wonder
Why am I here..?

Love, Bulan.

P/s: these remind me of Creep song by Radiohead.

"but im a creep,
Im a weirdo
What the hell am i doing here
I dont belong here"

No, im not going to commit a suicide. Lol.

Where The Flow Goes?

I walked by a river.

I tried to look far towards the end of the river,
But i could not see where it goes.
So i asked a friend,
"How did you know where it takes you?"
And the answer is,
"I don't. I just go with the flow"
Sounds simple.
But I'm afraid.
Afraid of drowning.
I'm afraid it will takes me to a place i didn't wish.
So I just sit on the river bank,
Waiting for.. I dont know..

Love,
Bulan

P/s: If there is Most Complicated Woman's Award, I'm sure I'll be the winner.

Unspoken

He looked through the things infront of him
What were you thinking?
Do you really understand us?
Do you actually think normally?
All left unanswered
He showed his left palm hand
Moved it a little like asking for something
What were you asking for?
I gave my hand
He held it for a little while
Shook it slowly to the left and right
And brought to his heart
I looked at him
I being myself as always; hard to speak out my love feeling
I love u too, uncle; in my heart I said it
Did you hear it?
Of course you didn't
Silly me.

Love,
Bulan

Am I an Ungrateful Servant?

Setiap hari setiap kali setiap apa yang aku buat aku ingat Allah dan satu benda. A thing that i cant get rid of my head. I wish i can kick it out for a while. Why oh whyyyy. No im not asking myself but people did. I have this one feeling that i want to share with someone. I want to love someone, take care of someone. I need someone to talk to, to walk with, to listen to me everyday. I want to talk nonsense thing, i want to stay quiet, i want to do everything with that someone. Am i asking too much? O dear Allah, forgive me if im being an ungrateful servant.

Love,
Bulan

Selamat selamat.

Knowing you for a while is not a waste of time because I learn a lot of things which help me to be a better person.

P/s: semoga berjaya dunia akhirat. In syaa allah ada jodoh bertemu lagi.

Love,
Bulan

Blossom in the Air

Sailing to the harbor
And knock the door
Don't know what's the reason for
But just couldn't say no
The cloud was sorrow
But now it is glow
So there is rainbow
When the rain has stop pour
Let it blossom let it grow
Let it flow let it show
In the sun in the snow
Shall be gloom no more.

Love, Bulan.

Love Before Regret

Someday, if you have a long life, u might go through what I've went through. Your love one might fell sick, and you should always be there for them. You gotta be strong, fight all of the negative whisperers in your head; or you might regretted. They might act weirdly, childish, and whatsoever but you should remind yourself that they acted that way because they are sick. Yes, sometime sick people doesn't aware of what they did. I've seen twice.

Love, Bulan

Don't be too Sad nor too Happy

"If you are sad, don't be too sad for you might be ungrateful with what you have.
If you are happy, don't be too happy for you might lost in your world and forgot to be grateful." - a friend, Dec 2013

Love, Bulan