Old old old friend

It is funny how knowing you for a day feels like I've known you forever.
That's all I wanna say for now.

Love, Bulan

My Only One

Dear,
Why dont you want to leave my mind
And makes me eager to have you as mine
I know you haven't love me yet but I'm still fine
Because if I'm your faith, it's me that you will find
Dear,
I hope I haven't and will never cross the line
Because the last thing I want to see is your face as sour as lime
And I hope my love for you is not a crime
For I hope you'll fall for me when it is time
Dear,
If you are a number, I hope you are a prime
So your love will only be divided to only you and the one
And I prayed to the Almighty one,
Asking for myself to be your one.

Love, Bulan

Is This Love?

Just if you know
You are the only one who comes into my mind
When people talk about love
You are the one I think about
When people talk about marriage
You are the only person I give space in my heart

Oh dear,
Is this what we called love?

If it is,
I wish you know
How much I care for you
And how much you're really mean to me

You never knew
How my heart jumped by seeing your name
How I actually smile when I see your face
But I hide it, somehow you always noticed it,
How I've tried to stop hoping for you
But I just couldn't do

Oh dear,
I always pray to Allah,
If you are the one,
Please help us to become as one as soon as possible,
And if you are not,
Please help me to forget you as soon as possible

Love, Bulan

Memorable Night 2013

Saddest
Miserable,
Painfulness.
I wanna run
I wanna fly
I wanna leave all the miseries
Let's get crazy
My heart whispered.

Curfew and high wall
Mud in the dark night
I run into the congestion
To get my medication
Let's get crazy
My heart whispered

I fly into a magical place
The music of enjoyment
The beauty of lights
The freedom within the crowd
I am free
I was free
For a minute it gets easier
To pretend my life full of happiness

Love, Bulan

23rd Birthday

I was lying and thinking
No one would remember it
Like in old days
But you
My feeling is so strong
No one would wish me,
And what's more, celebrate me

So I expected nothing
I can lie to my mind
But not to my heart
I expected nothing
But my heart is waiting
I was very sure it is waiting to be hurted

So I asked to myself
O dear heart
Why is birthday so important to you?
Was it me
Or people have start forgotten me?

And then came your plan
I strongly believe
It was your plan that reminds everybody
But at least people remember it
Thank you..

Thank you for bringing me a smile
You are my bestest friend
And you can never be replaced

Love, Bulan

P/s: I came across a question. "Which friends of yours will pray for you if you were dead". Guess who comes first into my mind?

Loneliness

You thought you will be fine
You got your dear friends
They will always be there to fill your loneliness
Always there to listen to your sorrow
Always..

But you were wrong..
You forgot that you are their friend
Not a soulmate
They wont have that much time for you
They got a lot of other things to care about
You should be sorry for forgetting that..

Soon, they will have their own chapters..
And you..you will be left all alone..
Alone in your own world..

Love, Bulan

Stranger

Amaran: INI ADALAH CERPEN YANG MENGAMBIL MASA 5 - 10 MINIT.

  "Tina, nape kau bagi dia pinjam kete", terbongkar juga soalan yang terpendam di hati Mila sejak berjalan keluar dari pejabat lagi. "Aku bukan nak bagi pun sebenarnya. Tapi dia main ambil je kunci kereta dari tangan aku. Lepas tu aku macam tergamam tak tahu nak kata apa. Sorry la wey..", pujuk Tina. "Ee selamba je dia tu. Lepas tu tak fasal-fasal kita yang kena jalan kaki balik", geram sungguh Mila dengan perangai sahabat mereka yang seorang itu.

  "Nampak macam sedap je buah ni", Tina cuba mengubah topik perbualan tatkala mereka melalui sebuah warung buah. Tina kemudian membeli sepotong jambu dan mereka meneruskan perjalanan. "Eh, tu macam Lidya (bekas rakan sekolah Mila). Dia mesti tahu bas apa yang kita kena naik untuk balik rumah", tegur Mila ketika ternampak kelibat Lidya di seberang jalan. Mereka melajukan langkah kaki apabila melihat Lidya seperti menahan sebuah bas untuk menaikinya. Sesampainya mereka di seberang jalan, hampa hadir di benak hati keduanya apabila bas mulai meninggalkan mereka. "Aduh, macam mana ni? Hari pun dah gelap.. Nak naik bas apa pun tak tahu", Tina mengadu. Tina kemudian menahan sebuah kereta untuk bertanya bas apa yang perlu mereka naiki. Nasibnya seakan bergemerlapan apabila empunya kereta mempelawa untuk menghantarnya pulang memandangkan dia dan seorang lagi sahabatnya turut menghala ke arah yang sama. Walaubagaimanapun, Mila berasa sangsi untuk menumpang mereka. Dia yang sememangnya sukar untuk percaya pada orang asing mula membayangkan perkara yang bakal berlaku. "Tina, tak beranilah nak tumpang. Betul ke diorang ni? ", bisik Mila. "Habis tu takkan kau nak tunggu je kat sini?  Tak nak lah aku.. Kalau kau nak tunggu, tunggu lah. Aku nak tumpang diorang", balas Tina. Mila masih tetap dengan pendiriannya dan membiarkan mereka berlalu. 

  Lalu lintas yang agak sunyi dan lampu jalan yang agak malap membuatkan hati Mila serba tidak kena. Tambah lagi apabila dia terlihat seorang lelaki warga asing berjalan nun di seberang jalan. "Ish lambat pulak bas ni. Bilanya nak sampai..", Mila bermonolog sendirian.  Mila kemudiannya membuat keputusan untuk menelefon Tina dan menyuruh mereka berpatah balik untuk mengambilnya. " Assalamualaikum Tina. Korang dah jauh ke?  Patah balik boleh tak?  Aku takut pulak sorang-sorang ni", kemudian Mila mendengar Tina seakan berbincang dengan dua jejaka yang menumpangkannya. "Nasib kau baik. Kitorang belum jauh lagi. Kau tunggu jap, nanti kitorang sampai", jawab Tina. Tak lama kemudian, mereka pun tiba di perhentian bas tersebut. Lega hati Mila melihat kedatangan mereka. Dalam hati dia memanjatkan kesyukuran. Namun, rasa sangsinya pada kedua-dua jejaka itu masih lagi bertapa di hati. Perjalanan diteruskan sambil Tina berborak kosong bersama mereka untuk memecahkan rasa kecanggungan. Tina memang seorang yang peramah, sebab itulah semua orang suka bersahabat dengannya. Tiba-tiba kereta yang mereka naiki menuju ke lorong gelap. Degupan jantung Mila mula bergerak pantas mengepam laju darah yang membawa oksigen ke seluruh badan. "Korang nak ke mana ni? ", Mila cuba mengawal suara supaya rasa sangsinya tidak dihidu oleh mereka sambil cuba membuka pintu. Malangnya pintu masih tidak boleh dibuka walaupun butang kekuncinya sudah ditarik. "Aduh, jangan kata childlock pulak", getus hatinya. Dia cuba lagi menarik tinggi butang kekunci dan berjaya membuka pintu. Mila mengajak Tina lari lalu membuka seribu langkah meninggalkan Tina dan komputer ribanya yang masih di dalam kereta tersebut. Biar hilang harta, jangan hilang maruah, fikir Mila.

  Sangkaan Mila mengenai niat buruk dua jejaka itu ternyata memang benar. Beberapa orang lain yang tiba-tiba keluar dari lorong sunyi itu mengejar Mila. Harapan Mila seakan menyinar apabila tiba di kawasan pasar lambak (flea market). Dia mula menjerit meminta tolong sambil melajukan lagi larinya, malangnya tak siapa pun yang peduli. Mila menyelit ke kiri dan ke kanan untuk meloloskan diri dari penjahat-penjahat tersebut. kemudian dia berhenti di celah-celah orang ramai dan mengeluarkan telefon bimbit dari tas tangan yang dibawa bersama ketika keluar dari kereta. Pada awalnya dia terdetik untuk menelefon Azrul kerana dulu Azrul juga yang berjaya menyelamatkannya dalam situasi begini. Namun, memikirkan Azrul jauh di Klang, pasti Mila perlu menunggu lama untuk Azrul menjemputnya. Lalu Mila menghubungi mamanya. "Assalamualaikum, mama, mama kat KL ke? Mila kat area Jalan Tar ni. Mama boleh tolong ambil Mila tak?", soal Mila dengan penuh harapan. "Waalaikumussalam. Mama kat kampung la Mila", jawab suara di talian. "Hmm tak pe la mama. Nanti Mila cuba tanya kawan", punah harapannya. "Okay, Mila hati-hati ye", talian dimatikan. Hati Mila mula berdegup laju semula dan dia serta merta memandang ke sekeliling kalau-kalau penjahat itu masih mencarinya. "Ooo Mila ye...", tiba-tiba lelaki berbadan tegap yang tidak jauh darinya bersuara sambil tersenyum nakal. Mila mula menjerit meminta tolong lagi tetapi orang ramai masih lagi tidak mengendahkannya. Tiba-tiba Mila terlihat kelibat papanya. "Papa! tolong Mila, papa. Papa, tolong Mila!", sambil menjerit pada lelaki dihadapannya, Mila sempat mengamati papanya. Papa kelihatan lain. Badannya sihat seperti dulu-dulu. "Siapa Papa kau?", lelaki berbadan tegap tadi cuba mencapai tangan Mila. Pengamatan Mila mati, lantas teringat papanya sudah tiada. Dia berjaya meloloskan diri dari pegangan lelaki itu dan terus berlari sambil melihat ke arah lelaki yang seiras papanya. Mukanya benar-benar sama seperti papa. Kemudian, Mila tiba di bahu jalan, dia terus menahan sebuah teksi. Dia terus menaiki teksi dan memberitahu hala tujunya. Seperti biasa, hatinya akan berasa sangsi terhadap pemandu teksi. Mila tak punya pilihan lain selain bertawakal pada Allah. Dia berdoa sepanjang jalan agar Allah melindunginya. Dengan izin Allah, dia selamat sampai di rumah.

Love, Bulan

P/s: Nama yang digunakan bukan nama sebenar. #nightmare

No Regret

I'm not afraid of the choice I've made 

because if we're meant to be together, 

one day, I 'll change my mind,

and choose you.

I'm not afraid of my choice.

if one day, you will stop loving me, 

then I suppose we're not meant to be.
_______________

I'm not afraid of the choice I've made 

because if we're meant to be together, 

one day, you 'll change your mind,

and choose me.

I'm not afraid of my choice,

because if  we're not meant to be together,
one day, I will stop loving you,
and find another.

Right Choice or Vice Versa?

Perhaps you are really sure of your choice,
As much as im really sure of my choice,
As much as he sure of his choice.
None of us know who is right for whom.
Maybe one of us has the right choice,
Maybe none of us is right.
None of us know it.
No matter what, sooner or later, each of us will find the right one. Wallahualam.

Gelisah

Gelisah hati sepinya bicara mu
Ke mana hilang kata kata mu yang selalu?
Satu satunya pengubat jiwa
Apa kau sengaja membiar ku tertanya?
Hati meronta ingin merobek hatimu
Ingin sekali ku amati isinya
Tertanya apa kau merasa yang sama

True Love

I dont know who shall I believe anymore
I dont know who shall I share my pain too

Oh Allah my one true love,
Thank You for always be there for me
Thank You for Your guidance
Without you,
I dont know where will I be
I dont know what would I do
I dont know what's the point of living in this world

Oh Allah,
I believe you will sent one who will guide me to you
One who will show me the grace of being loved

I will wait for that magical day.

Love, Bulan

Andai bisa ku gambarkan rasa hati ku, sudah pasti aku memuat naik ke Instagram supaya terluah rasa sakit ini.

Faith

If i know this is how the thing end, no i wont give any hope since the beginning.
But again, i can neither predict the future nor reverse the time.
I always believe in God's will.
I believe in faith.
There must be a reason why rain falls before the rainbows show up.
Dig it, and you will find the answer.

Love, Bulan

P/s: Believe in Allah. Believe in Qada' and Qadar. You will accept things easier. Soon, the caterpillar will become a butterfly, the sun will rise and shine. 

Be Hurt or Be Lost

I am that kind of girl that does not easily fall for someone.
And when i do, i believe there must be something about him that could attract me this much.
I dont want to give up easily because i dont want to feel lost and confuse again.
I had enough giving people chance.
I think for this second time, i will give myself another chance to feel love again; after years.
I will let myself fall freely though nobody will catch me.
I will take the risk to be hurt again because i had enough hurting others; i know i will be hurt.
Well actually, im hurt now.
Maybe he is not my Mr Right. I dont know. I cant predict things.
But at least i dont feel lost. hope so.
But of course i hope he is the one.

Love, Bulan  

Stucked in A Glass Room

There is this one place
no matter how many time I've tried to get out from it,
I just cant.
Sometimes I thought i already freed from it,
but then, i realized i was just distracted. I am still there.
I dont know what.. but there is something about 'it'. that locked me in a glass room.
i can see people, i can talk to them, i can laugh with them, but i could not feel them.
they just could not take me away from that room; it hold my trust to only ME.
Later, i realized that i was locked in it.
So i waited, and waited.. for a prince to find the key.
I really need to get out of this room.
I cant bear this feeling anymore.

And then you came after a few other guys tried to break the door; nobody could.
and I believe you are no different with those guys.
but you just wont stop trying although sometimes i could see you were like turning back, to forget all of this stuff.
He taught me how to love, but you showed me how to be loved.
however, sometimes I thought you've found the key, but sometimes i feel like i am still in the glass room.
Perhaps you've found it, but you havent take me out yet. perhaps i've already freed from it. i dont know.

P/s: fetch me from this miserable place.

Love, Bulan

Cup Vs Spoon

Why did the cup hated the spoon so much?

Is it because the spoon wrongly stirred in salts into the coffee?

Is it that hard to forgive the spoon?

The spoon did tried to stop stirring salt instead of sugar

But why did the cup still hates the spoon?

Do the cup want the spoon to repeat its mistake?

Do the cup want the spoon to continue stir in salts into the coffee?

Why oh why?

Love, Bulan

Undelivered Love Letter

I want to hug you and kiss you so bad
And apologize for all the wrong thing that I have done
For all the time I hurt your feeling
I really wish you could be there on my graduation day
Proudly watching me finally graduating
Bring me a bouquet of flower as you have said before
And give me the warm proud hugs
I love you and miss you
I will stay strong
I hope that you are fine there

Love, Bulan

Dealing with Reality

When reality hits you, dont wait for someone to ask how are you or how your life is. Ask your friend, who you might care how's their life instead. If their life is better than yours, than be happy for them; share their happiness. But if your life is still better than them, then be grateful for what you have even if you feel like you are having the worst greatest problem in the world. And be there for them, as u wish someone will be there for you when you are in need.

Love, Bulan

Regret

Yesterday

The moment I walk through that path again

I feel like walking into the past

Recalling the memories

The urgent

The worry

The hoping

The expecting of the unexpected

And the regret that will never fade away.

Love, Bulan

Burger Sekilo

It was the day when we finally went out together again after a very long time. It was the day, our dear friend treated us for his good result; we all wish him to get a better result for this sem, amin. Then, we continued our journey of the night to the iCity and throwing rm10 for the parking fee ಥ_ಥ Thank god we played 'bumper car', so i didnt feel so dissappointed like paying for nothing. Bumper car is my favvy all time game, it's legendary man ! Its a moment that i might never feel again, a moment not to be forgotten. Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah.

Love, Bulan

Turning Point

"I think I'm gonna change, starting from the coming new year"

"I'll stop doing it once I got a real girlfriend"

What was all that? It is someone thinking of making a turning point. I was wondering why do you need to save a date to do such a good thing? You don't have to wait for a special date to make a turning point. Whenever you think of it, just turn, babes! Some would say "i wanna get ready till the day come". But my dear, you never knew if you are still alive on that special date. Death doesn't always warn us. Only those special people get warned; those who were chosen by Allah. I guess it is better if we just turn whenever we think of it. Yeah, we might not ready for all those new things, and we might look back. but as soon as you realized you were turning back to the old life, turn back to the better life. It might take a few turns, but we should never give up. And I hope, one fine day, im gonna walk straight and never look back; perhaps just take a few glance to remind me not to repeat all those mistakes.

Love, Bulan

* #np Time of Your Life by Green Day

Weirdo Thinker

Have you ever read something sweet and romantics, then suddenly think of that one person? and it happens few times. Haha. Weird weirdo. and sometimes when you were chatting with somebody else, that person's name is the most random name that always came out from your mouth. Even more weirdo when all this while you keep saying you didnt have feeling for anyone and you weren't lying at all. Because that is what you really feel but why did that person always came into your mind? Haha. Mainan minda is it? Whatever it is, i wont jump into any conclusion. Nope nope. At least not for now.

Love, Bulan

I Will Not Kiss You

I was doing dishes while singing Cancer by My Chemical Romance just now. Oh its my favourite band especially when I was in highschool! hee. Im so addicted to Gerard Way. He's cute. But Im not going to talk about that band. I was thinking of something when I came to one of the lines,

"I will not kiss you 'cause the hardest part of this is leaving you"

I was thinking that maybe that's the reason  why I didnt kiss my dad before I left him that day. I dont want to believe that his time has come even my heart told so. But i really glad that i visited him. Love you, abah. May you rest in peace there. We'll try our best to help you. Insyaallah.

Bantulah Aku

kadang kadang aku persoalkan mengapa hati aku begini
mengapa aku seperti tidak punyai perasaan terhadap sesiapa
tapi kadang kadang aku rasa bersyukur
rasa seperti mungkin Dia ingin membantu aku
mempermudahkan jalan aku yg masih bengkang bengkok
tapi aku yang tak pernah sedar
terus mencari kealpaan cinta yang entah sejati entahkan tidak
sering kali terlalai dengan ajakan syaitan
wahai teman, bantulah aku memperbetul jalan ku.

Hadirlah Kasih

Suatu masa dahulu
Aku pernah rasa menyayangi
Punyai perasaan yang mencuri perhatian ku daripada semua orang lain
Bukan orangnya yang aku kenangkan
Tapi aku teringin punyai rasa seperti itu lagi
Entah kenapa aku tidak mampu merasainya
Apa kau tak cukup mencuri perhatian?
Apa rasa itu tak akan hadir?
Terkadang aku ingin mencuba
Terkadang aku merasa seperti menyeksa kau
Jujur, ada perkara yang menarik mengenai kau
Tapi mengapa rasa itu tak pernah hadir dan tetap di hati ini?
Apa kerna aku yang menghalang rasa itu?
Kerna aku takut tersalah langkah?
Atau rasa itu memang tak akan pernah hadir?
Apa mungkin kau bukan jodoh ku?

2013

Hello 2013. 

Feel kinda sad to wish goodbye to 2012. 

A year fulls of everything. A year which taught me a lot. 

A year where hardship came and i tried to be strong enough.

A year which I could be a better daughter but i din really be. 

A year which i spent the last time with my belated father.

A year that i'll always remember. 

*i miss you. i wish i could do better